THIS IS OUR STORY : MCDONALD’S MAYHEM
I didn’t even want to go, but Momma made me.
I strolled towards the neighborhood McDonald’s lagging behind Momma and my little sister, Precious.
“You better get up here,” said Precious, grabbing my hand and pulling me forward.
“Leave me alone,” I yelled, snatching my arm away. “I aine wanna come no way.”
Momma glanced in my direction. She didn’t have to say what she was thinking because the look on her face said it all.
I continued to lag behind when I heard, “You betta get yo’ narrow behine up here and stop sulking. I’m not leaving a nine year old at home by ‘imself.”
I walked faster, catching up to them. If you knew Momma, you would know that you didn’t want her to act “ethnic”; especially in public.
The McDonald’s was busy as usual. Thanks to the neighborhood high school kids who used it as their hang-out spot. Stepping through the door, the smell of french fries permeated the air and now I couldn’t wait to get something to eat. I noticed Ebony Gray moving from table to table taking selfies with her friends.
She is so beautiful, I thought. Her big brown eyes, high cheekbone, and dark complexion caught my attention. Because of her, I was secretly thanking Momma for making me come along.
Ebony noticed me noticing her. She smiled, waved, and gestured for me to join her. Approaching the table, my left leg crossed my right leg. I fell.
Daniel Grayson, the high school quarterback, tripped over me as he carried a tray filled with soda and French fries.
He jumped up. “Hey, you spilled my soda.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, peeling myself off the floor. “It was an accident.”
“That mess aine gonna clean itself,” Momma bellowed, after witnessing the whole debacle. “Clean it up and get over here.”
As I began to wipe the floor, I heard, “SPLAT.” Then I heard DRIP-DRIP-DRIP.
Daniel Grayson returned with a vengeance and I was the target. He dumped extra-large cups of soda all over me. I felt like I was standing in the bathtub taking a shower as soda ran down my body. I was drenched.
I grabbed a soda from a nearby table tossing it at him. He ducked. Ebony Grayson stood. Her white sweater was brown with Coke splash marks all over the front.
“Food Fight,” she shouted.
Ebony tossed her tray in the next booth grabbing a hand full of ketchup packets. She threw ‘em down fast and STOMP! Skweeee! SPLAT! All over sweet little Precious’ face! Oh, boy! Did she look funny! But Momma did not!
The soda and the ketchup, they were sticky, but not nearly as sticky as the ice cream I squished into Ebony’s face. SPLURT!
I thought Momma was gonna let loose on me, but she just winked, grabbed Precious’ hand and they both SQEESH SQUASHED through the ketchup puddles and into the restroom.
Momma was hot. Thirty-eight hot. Hotter than Catfish CRACKLE-CRACKLE-CRACKLE in the deep fryer.
“Boy,” said Momma, “I’m so mad right now! I could just WHACK you upside yo’ head.”
“Why dinya SPLISH that ice cream on the boy that started this mess?” I looked across at him.
He was brewing with anger. I scanned the room as I tried to find Precious. I see her.
“BWAH-BWAH-BWAH,” Precious bellowed.
“NO!!! Not the syrup packets!” The employees were involved now, grabbing and flinging anything they could get hold of. SPLAT! The manager caught it in the side of her head.
It was then that Daniel jumped on the booth. As soon as his eyes found me, he raced over and SHHHLLLOOOOMP. He dumped his milkshake on my head.
My first instinct was to give him one good WHACK! And I wanted to. But Momma hates for me to cut up in public. She would say, “If you ever think about embarrassing me in front of folks, think again! You know ain’t nobody there to call Child Protective Services when you get home.” So I…
…Grabbed the soda nozzle and SPRIZZED everyone in sight.
“People, people, may I have your attention?” They all looked at the manager and…
…SCREEEEEECHED to a stop. She placed a mop, broom, dust pan, and bucket in the middle of the floor. She gestured for everyone to start cleaning. Momma mopped. Daniel dusted. Ebony swept. And Precious and I worked as a team – she filled the bucket and I carried it.
Everything was well until, I forgot to put the “wet floor” sign down. Out of nowhere, a customer came out of the bathroom and slid. But before she could hit the floor, Daniel and I were there to break her fall.
“You two are some fine young man,” she said. “You just save me another hip replacement. For that, Soda and French fries for everybody. On Me!”
Everyone cheered. Daniel apologized. Ebony asked if she could text me. And Momma and Precious, they were still mad… until they got their French Fries and soda.